Randomness

Okay. . .so I conquered one goal on this blog and that was figure out how to post a pic! ;)
Two points for me. lol

Now, I guess I should look at the good side and see that I actually accomplished something since I have been here. . .but as usual, my mind went right to "well, I should start working on the other IMPORTANT goals" : / I guess I can say I have been distracted. Lost focus. Faraway.

I really feel like I am going through withdraw. . .concert withdraw! :( My friend in Texas is getting ready to see Metallica again. ..yep she was there last night too. \m/ rock on girl! Im so jealous!! I don't have any concerts lined up right now, unless joe perry comes my way. some of my fb friends are posting pix with rockstars - joe perry being one of them! I so want that to be me! I guess I am about to become psycho stalker fan lol (okay, give me a break, my obsession is not that bad!!) Alright, I promise I won't go psycho stalker, just stalker! ;) haha

Speaking of that, I had this totally awesome dream about meeting steven tyler the other night. (uhm, did I just write that out loud? lol) In the dream, after I met him (and he drew all over my leg so I could go to the tat shop lol), I even walked up to someone on the street and asked them to pinch me. . .so that I could make sure it was real (haha - joke was on me I guess) and I FELT the pinch in the dream!! I thought it was really REAL. It was a sad day when I woke up. . .haha I mean, I was happy about having a cool dream like that, but then I realized it wasn't real. :(
Lesson learned: if anyone says "Is this for real? pinch me". . .I am gonna reply with "No! because you would feel the pinch even if it wasn't real. Dammit"
Where did that saying come from anyways. . .who the hell knew that you could feel a pinch in a dream? o_O (yeah, those guys with the white straight jackets are headed my way!) lol

So what was the point? Oh yeah, now I remember. . .I read a blog today questioning what blogging was about and why people do it.
I am sure some people have their reasons such as kids, passions, hobbies, careers, teaching, learning, sharing, etc.
I guess I fit into randomness. I am not really sure why I am here, but maybe I will find out along the way. My family doesn't even know I have a blog!
Yep, I am random. . .never know what I am going to say next (or do ahaha) but that is me. I just want to keep it real, but fun. I have been trying to decide if I want to share my blog or not (a few of u check it out every once in awhile) but mostly, I guess, I started it to vent. . .like a journal. Then I realized that people might be reading this thing and I better try to keep my craziness to a minimum, or they really will be sending those wsj guys (great, so much for awesome dreams. . .now guys with straight jackets are gonna be there - probably pinching me!) hahaha

to share or not to share? that is the ???
:)

Rite Aid Deals, deals deals! :)

whoa! What a bargain at Rite Aid (RA). Just got back from there and ended up paying $24 for $41 worth of stuff. Now, when I enter my single check rebates (SCR), I will get back $6 + $5 which will end up making my Rite Aid total $13!! And I should qualify for the spend $25 get $5 gift card for RA too. . .making my total even less, $8

I am really mad at myself though, because I forgot to use the in-ad coupon for one item, so I COULD HAVE saved another $2 : / Dummy!!! My coupons got all stuck together and it was a little one, so that is how it got stuck on the bottom. oops. my bad! I guess I will just have to go back and get a another one! ;)

My first attempt at posting a pic. . .but if I do, I will explain what I got for free. . .BRB!

Okay, that wasn't so hard! :)

After receiving several free samples of the Aveeno Hair Care, I decided that I love that shampoo and they way it makes my hair feel. I went to buy it, only to find that it cost more than Pantene!! Ugh! So I waited it out. Finally, today at RA, it was on sale for 20% off! Yay! That made it $6 (which is still too much for my budget lol) I had several coupons (1 that came with my free samples for $1) that I could match up with my RA coupon for $2. Total coupons = $4.50. Add in the SCR for $3 when you buy two Aveeno products. . .the total for two bottles of $7.49ea shampoo was $4.50 which makes them $2.25 a bottle! Yay!

The Gilette Fusion (GF) was FREE. . .with it being on sale for $9, a $5 SCR and a $4 coupon in this Sundays paper! Hubby has been wanting to try one of these, but at $11.99 - there was no way!! Now I will have to wait for the cartridges to go on sale cuz they are more than the actual razor, but I am sure it won't be too much longer for that sale (then I have coupons for free shave get and deoderant when u buy 1 GF cartridge refill! Sweet!

The Tylenol (Ex strength 24 pks) were on sale for Buy one get one free (B1G1) and they were $4.99 a pack. . .I had two coupons for a $1 off 1 which made them $2.99 for two. Well that would be $1.50 each!! (plus I am working on that SCR which is $5 back when you spend $15 on a big list of stuff - Tylenol is on the list!)

Sally Hansen Nail Polish. . .these suckers are expensive. $4.99 a piece. Well, there is a SCR for $3, which makes it 1.99 and then add in my .50 coupon, and I got it for $1.49 - just in time for my Halloween costume (yes, that is why it is bright red!) LOL

The softsoap Nutri-syrum Soap (another thing I have been wanting to try) is where I messed up. It was on sale for $3.99. I had a coupon for $1 off, but I also had the in-ad coupon for $2 off. I could have combined them and got it for .99 but instead, I got it for $2.99 (which still isn't bad, but even as I stood there rummaging thru my coupons, I knew that I should get more off - cuz it is still kind of expensive at $2.99 IMO!) Oh well. . .get over it already! : /

The pack of KitKats were .88 (couldn't resist haha) and I grabbed a pack of M&Ms for myself for lunch at $1. (I know, not helping the diet, but I was starving!)

Finally, The folder and the book. This stuff was not on my list, but was 75% off (back to school stuff) so I grabbed the folder with a cute monkey on it for my daughter (she loves monkeys) for .37 (woohoo!) and the book "A Girl's Guide to Money" ;) for her too. . .since she will be leaving for college in about a year. This book was only $2.38!! I got her a great little birthday present for under $3!! (well, dad got her something too for like $7) but that still stays within the budget!!

Dang Im good. . .but def not great. . .or I wouldn't have forgot that $2 coupon. . .dang it!! LOL

Mailbox full of goodies!! ;)

Okay...so I am not getting here as often as I would like, but I just had to come here today to share my great news! :) My family has gotten to the point where they just look at me and roll their eyes when this stuff comes, but someday, when they are earning their own pennies, they will understand just how much one is worth!
I have been getting tons of free stuff lately - so I am going to do a quick rundown of the mailbox freebies I got this week.
1. Free ChiChi's bag! This thing came today and it is better than my recyclable green Weis bags. . .do you know y? I do! Because it was free and my Weis bags were .50 each!!! But I splurged when they went on sale and bought a bunch at .50 so I could do my part to help the earth! Not to mention I have plastic bags out the ying-yang! lol
2. Free sample box of Honey Nut Cheerios and Kashi cereals + coupons! woot!
3. Free Stayfree sample (lol - I have been requesting these types of samples because of my daughter and the search to find the fav brand) not to mention they make great emergency/purse supplies! In the past I have gotten the playtex sport pack which comes in a little box that slips right in my purse!
Works for me cuz its free!! :) my new fav saying!
4. Reviatalift sample (I got one before, so now I can try it like 3 days in a row) not that I need it or anything, I just want to try that stuff before I actually do need it! lol ;)
5. Free Eweek magazine and a free Field and Stream magazine (figured why not. .. the boys love it!)
6. some free spice packets - some all natural ingredient thing (haha I wasn't really interested in this one because we all know how much I love to cook!)

Well that is all I can think of now. . .wow now that I write it, it doesn't look like that much! It seemed like we had something cool (haha here's the eyerolls!) every day this week in the mailbox! I love it! :)

My AWESOME Sears deal. . .

Wooooohoooooo!!! Well no one gets as excited as me for a good deal!! I am a cheapie, freebie, and good deal person!! I love getting the best deals on EVERYTHING! I never pay full price for anything (and honestly, don't understand why anyone would?) LOL
I called my sister immediately after my Sears deal, and even she, who is slowly becoming as good as me at deals (haha), did not seem as excited for me as I was! : / So I came here to brag!!! LOL

Okay so what was the great deal?
Well, I get emails from "cheapie/freebie" bloggers that I signed up for. The other day, most of the bloggers made note of a Sears coupon for $10 off any Juniors apparel items, WITH NO MINIMUM PURCHASE!! I actually found out today that there is a minimum purchase of $10 (but some folks are reporting that if you argue "no min purchase" clause stated on the coupon, they can adjust it down to the price of the item -- I did not know this till I got back, so I did not try to argue it, but I def will next time).

So last night, I had Tara look on Sears.com and find a few t-shirts she likes right around $10. (Tara can get away with wearing some JR apparel, cuz she is so skinny. . .but we have to get L or XL in JRs for her) She picked out a few. When I went to place the order online, it wanted to charge me $6.25 for S&H . . .so I decided that I would just run over to Sears at lunch and see what I could find. Well, it worked to my benefit!!
I found two of the shirts she wanted! :) Not to mention Sears is having a big CLEARANCE sale, with an additional 40% off clearance prices. When I went to the register, I asked if I could use more than one coupon. . .she said, "yes but they will have to be separate transactions."
FINE BY ME!! :) LOL
The first one she rang in was the 9.99 shirt. This is where she told me I had to spend another penny to use the coupon. UGH! well, lucky for me, I found a few other shirts that were cute when I was browsing, but only picked up the original 3 I wanted to buy. I ran back and grabbed another shirt. it was on sale for 4.79. Total = 4.58 for 2 shirts (first one was not on clearance) Then, for the second transaction, she rang up the shirts and one of the ones marked 9.99 came up as a clearance item, so the total was only 9.58. . .haha, just my luck!! I ran back and grabbed a cute little muscle shirt with necklaces attached - it was marked 4.99, but came up 2.99 at the register! PERFECT!!! :) Total = 2.57

That makes it. . . 5 shirts for $7.15!!!!! they were each probably right around $10 a piece (originally) -- so that was like $50 worth of stuff for $7! Wowie Zowie!!!! that is sooooo AWESOME!!!!! :) I am just tickled pink with myself.
Cha-ching!!!

This or that?

Well, today I can blog about free stuff. . .or I can venture into the weight loss struggle. Hmmmm... well free stuff is more fun, but I do really have to start concentrating on my goal to lose 50 pounds by August of next year. . . so I will start there. . .

My story. . .
before I got married 9 years ago (and 6 days lol) I lost 40 pounds. Now, I did not do it the "healthy" appropriate way. . .I used Stacker 3's. funny thing is that they really worked (for a while)!! I lost 40 pounds in the 6 months prior to my wedding. :) I was so happy when my dress had to be altered to make IT SMALLER!! Soon after my wedding, like 2 weeks after (late September) I got back from a Short honeymoon (due to not having much vacation time) & they laid me off from my job. (this was the year 2000 btw... and I wish they had laid me off prior to the wedding so I could take a longer honeymoon LOL) I started to get unemployment. By Feb/March of 01, I realized that I had no $$$ and needed to get a job fast. . .I could not make ends meet anymore (partially the reason why I am so cheap today LOL) so I decided that it was time for me to quit smoking, mainly because I couldn't afford it anymore. At that time cigs were like $2.50 a pack. Bob was supposed to quit with me, but he couldn't handle it (proves that women are stronger than men hehehe) I was a royal PITA!! believe me, it was not easy, but I made up my mind and decided that on March 1, 2001 would be my first day of not smoking. . .for the rest of my life!!! So far, that deal has held up. . .I have not had one cig since that day! woohoo for me!! :) BUT. . .within the next 5 years, I gained 50 pounds!!! *shock* Now that happened gradually, and averaged at about 10 pounds per year. It wasn't like I quit smoking and gained weight overnight. It also could have been a combination of quitting smoking and using Stackers (so that weight eventually ALL came back. . .and to me, it don't matter if I quit smoking or not. . .cuz the weight came back). This brought me to the ripe ole age of 30! UGH!! I did not want to turn 30 no matter what. . .so I decided that this was going to be the best year of my life. . .and it was!! (that is another story for another day LOL)
The following year, when I was 29 again ;) I decided that it was going to be the healthiest year of my life. . .cuz actually, I wanted to be healthy first and lose weight later - even though losing weight was my eventual goal.

The struggle
Well, I tried at first, but it didn't happen. I was dedicated, at first, but then old habits die hard. lol I even tried to join weight watchers and lost like 7 pounds, but I hated the diet and the counting "points" was such a big pain to me. . .so after my term was up(what I paid for), I quit WW and the weight came back soon after. The next year came (and I was still 29!) and I re-affirmed my desire to be healthy and have a better year. and I started working harder at it. Somewhere in there, I think it was the first year, I found out that I had high cholesterol. . .which sucked bad, and helped me decide it was time for better habits FOR REAL!!! This 2nd year was really going to be for real for big time health changes. . .and now, as I look back on it, that first year wasn't a total waste because I basically was just "learning" about better, healthier habits. . .just not learning AND incorporating them into my lifestyle as well. So the 2nd year was kind of a success. . .because I started changing things. Habits. Bad Habits. I started drinking water. . .lots and lots of water. I realized that eating late at night was not good, especially junkfood late at night. I also learned that Bob is not a real big help in the whole weight loss thing because he is skinny as a rail and eats whatever, whenever. (that does not mean he is healthy, just skinny - and I tell him that ALL the time) Not only does he do that, he shoves food in my face as well, and is always sharing and Always tells me that I look good no matter how much I weigh. That is all fine and good, but I was not happy with how much I weighed. . . I was not happy with how I felt, I was not happy with my habits and what my life had become - almost a food obsessed life. . .with no cares or worries.

The progress
So this past year - LOL yes still 29!! and holding - I actually found out that I had made some progress. I went to the doctor for the first time in a little over a year and found out that I was 10 pounds lighter than the year before!!! :) I was so happy, I think I might have squealed and the nurse was just looking at me like I was nuts (not like I ever got that look before haha). we were about two weeks into what we called "fit club" at work. Other than WW, this was the first time since I decided I needed to change my habits, that I committed to anything. . .and I was a little scared or maybe nervous. . .afraid of failure, I guess? I mean after all, I couldn't say I was going to join and then not do anything after I signed up. . .I didn't want work people to think I was a big joke or slacker hahahaha (not that I care what people think, but bare with me, this was REALLY important to me) So the commitment was made before I went to the doctor. . .and then I found out I was already on the right track. With fit club, I lost about 8 pounds. . .It was like a 12 week program.

Results
Now let's add this up. . .hmmmm. . .10 pounds in a year. . .+ 8 pounds in about 3 months = 18 pounds of the 50 gone!! Of course 8 pounds in 3 months is WAY better than when I started!! I almost doubled the loss in 3 months. . .and I was doing it the right way!
This is great. . . .EXCEPT. . .
after fit club ended. . .I started to slack a little the first week. : / I got back on track and stuck it out for another few weeks. . .did not lose, just maintained.

The Rut
Next thing I know, we go on vacation and my whole "healthy habits" thing went to crap. Okay, it was vacation. . .give myself a break, right? WRONG!! I gained back 3 pounds!! after we got back from vacation, I didn't do crap. I was determined to not let the weight win, so I ate right until I lost that extra 3 pounds I put on over vacation, and I did lose it within two weeks. . .and I am still eating right, but I stopped walking. (fit club had all these contests, etc. that we were competing in, and that motivated me to keep walking/exercising - but mostly just walking). By the end of August. . .I started drifting back into old habits again. . . by not exercising. I am convinced that the exercise is how I lost that 8 pounds. I didn't change my eating habits. . .that is how I lost the first 10. . .cuz I actually changed some things without "noticing" the changes. . .until a year and a half later. when fit club started, I just added in exercise so I could compete. duh me. . .how many times have I read that??? I knew it was what I needed. . .I still know!!

The Decision
Beginning of September (or around there) I decided that the only way I am going to do this is if I set myself some goals and join some type of web site, or something that helps me track things. During fit club, we had to "report" if we lost or gained (never any actual weight numbers, just losses or gains and how much) and we were doing the competitions. . .so I was also tracking my exercise and trying really hard. I realized after fit club ended that I was not "responsible" to report anything anymore. . .and therefore, I became a slacker. . .AGAIN.

And NOW. . ."here I am" lol
Which brings us to NOW! I am researching the best weight loss tracking sites and have started walking again. I have strict eating habits (which have also kind of fell to the wayside in August - but lucky for me, I haven't gained any weight back, yet) and I have started to follow them again. No more candy bar every once in a while, which becomes every two days, which becomes every other day, which eventually becomes every day. . .I WILL NOT GO BACK UP!!! my weight can only go down!! I have the healthy thing down. . .I know what is good and what is bad. . .I know I need to exercise to lose, I know this. . .so why am I not doing it??? Why did I think the whole entire month of August was a "vacation" from a healthy lifestyle?? What the hell is wrong with me. . .I was soooooo discouraged when we got back at the end of July and I had gained back 3 pounds. . .that should have been my "shell shock" but it wasn't. Do you know what was. . .my friend passing away. The last post said about how I realized a lot of things, and it did. . .it helped me realize again that I NEED to stay healthy, not only for me, but for my kids as well. I need to be healthy to stay alive and be able to run with them, or ride bike with them. . .or chase after grandchildren (okay a little too soon for that, but you get my drift LOL)

The GOAL
I am back at it again. . .with a goal of 50 pounds (I will weigh 20 pounds less than when I lost the original 40) by this time next year. It IS possible. I can do it. I know I can. I walked once during lunch last week, and then did a nightly walk (not enuff) which was a start. Today, I had a wonderful walk at lunch and can't wait to do it again because it is the perfect temperature and so beautiful outside (leaves are starting to change ALREADY!!) funny, when I started fit club, everything was blooming. . .which was also very beautiful. So not only do I walk, I am taking in the beauty of nature everyday, and thanking God for every breath! :)

I will find a website to join before the end of the month (see, this counts as saying it out loud, and if I say it out loud to at least one other person, it is like engraved in stone and I will stick to it LOL) and I am going to continue on with my healthy lifestyle changes. I will keep u posted on which website I choose and how it works out. . .worse comes to worse, if I don't like the site, I will switch. . .there are plenty of them to try and who knows, I might even make a new fat friend! LMAO!! j/k!!!

Point of all this. . .I know what I need to do, but I constantly fall back into bad habits. I am writing this to say, I am DONE with that!! I am sticking to it. . and I WILL reach my goal. Good luck to me. :) A new healthy me. . .on my way to 29 again!! hehehe

It's been a while. . .

Well, it kind of stinks that I left the "So Sad" post at the top of my page for so long. . .but then again, maybe not! I have been really busy since that post, not to mention it is a big reminder to me. A reminder to not take life for granted EVER. . .a reminder to ALWAYS let ur loved ones know how we feel about them . . .and a reminder to NEVER part from your immediate family in a bad mood or after saying something negative BECAUSE we never know if it will be the last time we see them, hug them, or even be able to tell them again that we are sorry and love them.

So these past few weeks have not only been crazy busy, but also an "enlightenment" for me. Yes, I realize that it shouldn't take someone dying for me to come to all these conclusions, and I did know this stuff before. . .I guess I never really practiced it, or realized how important these lessons are. I guess when someone dies, you just learn it all over again. . .and this time, I am not going to forget. I am going to try really hard to keep remembering, and always practice good behaviorial patterns to show how much I love and care about my family. . .this way, if it is my last day here on this earth, they all know how I truly felt and have something good to remember about me. . .not that mom was freaking out right before she died or screaming how horrible her life was. . .not that I do this often, but I have been kind of stuck in a rut lately, and have lost some of my positive thinking and happy happy joy joy attitude. . .that I use to have every day no matter what. That is all changing. . .I am freaking digging out of the rut and movin on to greener pastures (as they say, LOL).

The funeral. . .
The letter that my friend's son wrote (that was read out loud by the preacher at the funeral) for his mom after she died, grabbed a hold of my heart and never let go. . .I was okay during the entire funeral, until this particular letter was read. . .that is when I lost it. The letter started out by saying he didn't know where to begin because of her being taken so suddenly. . .then went on to say that he was sorry for doing the things that she didn't approve of and maybe not treating her as good as she should have. :( He went on to say that he was going to try to keep his grades up and be a good, decent kid, like she would have wanted. . .then went on to say how much he was going to love her and miss her. :*( After hearing all that, I couldn't stop the tears.

----This may be a good thing. For some reason, I haven't really been able to cry at the last few funerals I have been to. (I don't know why, and I am not some big, mean, uncaring person. . .I guess I just try to be strong for others??) It is really wierd because I didn't even cry at my grandmothers funeral (almost a year now) when she died. We weren't that close, but you would think I would have cried because my mom was crying or something. . .nope-nothing. The sadness was there, just not enough to bring on the tears. ----

Well, the tears were flowing at this funeral. . .probably because I keep selfishly thinking about my own life and my son. . .since they are the same age. . .and where he would be if I wasn't here. :( I am not dwelling on it. . .it just crosses my mind and has put a few things into perspective for me.
Next thing you know, another mutual friend of ours went up to speak. . .she did really well, but almost lost it while reading her letter. THEN, her eldest daughter got up to try to read her letter. . .started out by saying "bear with me" and tried to start reading it, and just lost it and said she couldn't do it and sat down. The preacher started to read this heartwrenching letter for her, and she couldn't make out some of the writing, so Bridgett corrected her, and then got up to help her read it afterall. I had so many tears flowing (and no tissues - what was I thinking? oh yeah that's right, I didn't need tissues cuz I don't cry at funerals!) it was unreal. Unreal. The whole situation is unreal. :(

Anyways. . .with the loss of an old friend came a brighter outlook on life for me. I am fortunate to have what I do with my family, friends, and an abundance of love. A great job, great health, and a great husband and kids. Can't ask for much more than that. . .even though we do and will. I have decided that I need to always, ALWAYS remember how grateful I am, and Always be sure to thank God every single day I breathe and stay alive and well with my family -- good times and bad!! :)

So sad. . .

I just found out that a friend of mine has passed away. :*(
We weren't "close" friends anymore - we were more like acquaintance friends, but nonetheless. . .it is still so sad.

She was only a few years older than me, and I don't even think she was 40 yet. Her son just started HS with my son yesterday, and he is also on the football team with my son. Her daughters just lost their father within the past 2 years or so, and the oldest daughter just had a baby about a year ago (her first grandchild). The weirder, even sadder thing is, she died of the same thing that her daughters' dad died from; at this point nothing is confirmed, but they are making it sound like heart failure. Her son has a different dad (still living). . .but at 14 years old, to lose your mother, just seems unimaginable to me. I don't even want to think about what it would be like for my son without me. . .he would feel so lost, lonely, and sad.

This friend was the first person who asked me to hang out after I moved back to Millersburg. . .to move in with my Dad. It was the summer before HS started for me, and I had no friends and no one to hang out with. One day, my brother finally talked me into going to hang out in town with him and his friends to try to get me to meet some new people. . .and that is the day I met her. We hit it off that night and went out drinking and partying (yes, I was a bad girl. . .with her help LOL) When our ride dropped our drunk asses off that night, she said "okay, c ya next weekend!" :) I was so happy to have a friend! So through all the partying and hanging out, we became close. We hung out almost every day for a while (like a year or two), and I can't tell you how many times I crashed on her couch, or in her bed. . .especially the time I got thrown in the mud pit and was caked with mud from head to foot. . .I passed out in her bed and she wasn't even a little mad . . . actually, we woke up the next morning and laughed about it. This was normal. All her drunk friends crashed at her house, and if her parents minded, they didn't let on to any of us. Her dad just recently passed away within the past year or so from cancer. She called my dad "dad" and I called her mom "mom" - we were two peas in a pod.

One night, we almost died together. . .lucky for me, I only heard the stories. Apparently I was so trashed, that I blacked out and didn't remember the night, but the next morning is when they told me that we had been in a car accident. My friend was driving, too drunk to drive, for sure. apparently she fell asleep while driving and ran the car head on into the side of a brick building. No one was hurt - and some of us wouldn't have known if we were. I found out the next day & the car was totaled. . .and aside from the fact that the most important thing to us is that we didn't have a ride, we were ALL very lucky to be alive. We probably should have died together that night, but for some reason, our guardian angels were looking out for us. We chalked it up to a rough night. .. and decided we needed to be more careful, but were we? I doubt it. We were young and unstoppable. . .loving the party life.
Hahaha, I just remembered that she was the first one to ever let me drive. She wanted to eat, and we were on back roads. . .I tried to tell her that I never drove before, but she made me do it. No license, no experience, just the trust of a good friend. Lucky for us, we managed to live through that too.

Over the years, we grew apart. . .different parties, different friends, rumors, alcohol fights, guy fights, etc. But as we got older, all "teen" things were forgotten and our kids became important in our paths crossing over and over. . .they were in boy scouts together, classes/class trips, baseball, and now most recently HS football freshman year. We still would say hi, talk at games, and catch up on life in conversation when we saw each other. No hard feelings, I mean after all we were stupid kids, just looking for the next party. Last year, at one of the last games of the season, she brought her grand baby and was proudly showing the baby off. I told her she was getting old!

Right now, I feel horribly Sad. Sad for her kids (I heard her son was with her when her organs failed - in those last moments) Sad for her mother, her family, and her life. Of all the times we could have (and maybe should have) gotten in trouble, or worse, died. . .we never did. It seems so unfair and wrong that she died of heart failure?? I am remembering us, the way we used to be. . .and the good times - even though it was a long time ago, I remember some stuff like it was yesterday.
I am not sorry that we weren't close friends anymore. . .people grow apart, stuff happens. We had some good times in our day and remained friends through it all, not BEST friends, but just friends. We were always so worried that our kids were going to be badasses like we were, and we both had BOYS which we knew was gonna be worse. (it isn't, they don't even come close to being as bad as we were!) We would joke that if our kids did what we did, we were gonna be in some SERIOUS trouble!
As I sit here and think about her, I miss her already. I am confused about how the whole thing happened, and also realizing AGAIN, that life is so short and we have to live each day as if it were our last. People say that all the time, but you don't really think about it or even practice it until something like this happens. :( It is sad that everyone takes things and people for granted.

The last time I saw her, we waved at each other and moved on. . .we weren't sitting together at that meeting. Had I known that was the last time I was going to ever see her or speak to her, I would have made it a point to say something to her. . .but we never know. Anything I would have said would not have been enough.
But now that she is gone, I feel I need to say something. . .anything that lets her know that I appreciate her being the first person to hang out with me and give me a chance (even if our "partying" intentions were all wrong) to be her friend - no questions asked. I appreciate the fact that we forgave and forgot our teenage years - the bad stuff - as we were adults and were still civil to each other and could move on from all that stupid stuff. I am thankful for all the life lessons that I learned because of her, and/or hanging out with her. She taught me a lot about trusting people; whether it was putting trust in the right people, or not trusting the wrong ones.

Now that she is gone, I pray for her, her family, and most of all, her children and her mother. . .and ask that she be my guardian angel (along with those that saved us that one dreadful night) and continue to protect me as I finish my path through this life on earth.

RIP Nikki. . .you will never be forgotten.