This or that?

Well, today I can blog about free stuff. . .or I can venture into the weight loss struggle. Hmmmm... well free stuff is more fun, but I do really have to start concentrating on my goal to lose 50 pounds by August of next year. . . so I will start there. . .

My story. . .
before I got married 9 years ago (and 6 days lol) I lost 40 pounds. Now, I did not do it the "healthy" appropriate way. . .I used Stacker 3's. funny thing is that they really worked (for a while)!! I lost 40 pounds in the 6 months prior to my wedding. :) I was so happy when my dress had to be altered to make IT SMALLER!! Soon after my wedding, like 2 weeks after (late September) I got back from a Short honeymoon (due to not having much vacation time) & they laid me off from my job. (this was the year 2000 btw... and I wish they had laid me off prior to the wedding so I could take a longer honeymoon LOL) I started to get unemployment. By Feb/March of 01, I realized that I had no $$$ and needed to get a job fast. . .I could not make ends meet anymore (partially the reason why I am so cheap today LOL) so I decided that it was time for me to quit smoking, mainly because I couldn't afford it anymore. At that time cigs were like $2.50 a pack. Bob was supposed to quit with me, but he couldn't handle it (proves that women are stronger than men hehehe) I was a royal PITA!! believe me, it was not easy, but I made up my mind and decided that on March 1, 2001 would be my first day of not smoking. . .for the rest of my life!!! So far, that deal has held up. . .I have not had one cig since that day! woohoo for me!! :) BUT. . .within the next 5 years, I gained 50 pounds!!! *shock* Now that happened gradually, and averaged at about 10 pounds per year. It wasn't like I quit smoking and gained weight overnight. It also could have been a combination of quitting smoking and using Stackers (so that weight eventually ALL came back. . .and to me, it don't matter if I quit smoking or not. . .cuz the weight came back). This brought me to the ripe ole age of 30! UGH!! I did not want to turn 30 no matter what. . .so I decided that this was going to be the best year of my life. . .and it was!! (that is another story for another day LOL)
The following year, when I was 29 again ;) I decided that it was going to be the healthiest year of my life. . .cuz actually, I wanted to be healthy first and lose weight later - even though losing weight was my eventual goal.

The struggle
Well, I tried at first, but it didn't happen. I was dedicated, at first, but then old habits die hard. lol I even tried to join weight watchers and lost like 7 pounds, but I hated the diet and the counting "points" was such a big pain to me. . .so after my term was up(what I paid for), I quit WW and the weight came back soon after. The next year came (and I was still 29!) and I re-affirmed my desire to be healthy and have a better year. and I started working harder at it. Somewhere in there, I think it was the first year, I found out that I had high cholesterol. . .which sucked bad, and helped me decide it was time for better habits FOR REAL!!! This 2nd year was really going to be for real for big time health changes. . .and now, as I look back on it, that first year wasn't a total waste because I basically was just "learning" about better, healthier habits. . .just not learning AND incorporating them into my lifestyle as well. So the 2nd year was kind of a success. . .because I started changing things. Habits. Bad Habits. I started drinking water. . .lots and lots of water. I realized that eating late at night was not good, especially junkfood late at night. I also learned that Bob is not a real big help in the whole weight loss thing because he is skinny as a rail and eats whatever, whenever. (that does not mean he is healthy, just skinny - and I tell him that ALL the time) Not only does he do that, he shoves food in my face as well, and is always sharing and Always tells me that I look good no matter how much I weigh. That is all fine and good, but I was not happy with how much I weighed. . . I was not happy with how I felt, I was not happy with my habits and what my life had become - almost a food obsessed life. . .with no cares or worries.

The progress
So this past year - LOL yes still 29!! and holding - I actually found out that I had made some progress. I went to the doctor for the first time in a little over a year and found out that I was 10 pounds lighter than the year before!!! :) I was so happy, I think I might have squealed and the nurse was just looking at me like I was nuts (not like I ever got that look before haha). we were about two weeks into what we called "fit club" at work. Other than WW, this was the first time since I decided I needed to change my habits, that I committed to anything. . .and I was a little scared or maybe nervous. . .afraid of failure, I guess? I mean after all, I couldn't say I was going to join and then not do anything after I signed up. . .I didn't want work people to think I was a big joke or slacker hahahaha (not that I care what people think, but bare with me, this was REALLY important to me) So the commitment was made before I went to the doctor. . .and then I found out I was already on the right track. With fit club, I lost about 8 pounds. . .It was like a 12 week program.

Results
Now let's add this up. . .hmmmm. . .10 pounds in a year. . .+ 8 pounds in about 3 months = 18 pounds of the 50 gone!! Of course 8 pounds in 3 months is WAY better than when I started!! I almost doubled the loss in 3 months. . .and I was doing it the right way!
This is great. . . .EXCEPT. . .
after fit club ended. . .I started to slack a little the first week. : / I got back on track and stuck it out for another few weeks. . .did not lose, just maintained.

The Rut
Next thing I know, we go on vacation and my whole "healthy habits" thing went to crap. Okay, it was vacation. . .give myself a break, right? WRONG!! I gained back 3 pounds!! after we got back from vacation, I didn't do crap. I was determined to not let the weight win, so I ate right until I lost that extra 3 pounds I put on over vacation, and I did lose it within two weeks. . .and I am still eating right, but I stopped walking. (fit club had all these contests, etc. that we were competing in, and that motivated me to keep walking/exercising - but mostly just walking). By the end of August. . .I started drifting back into old habits again. . . by not exercising. I am convinced that the exercise is how I lost that 8 pounds. I didn't change my eating habits. . .that is how I lost the first 10. . .cuz I actually changed some things without "noticing" the changes. . .until a year and a half later. when fit club started, I just added in exercise so I could compete. duh me. . .how many times have I read that??? I knew it was what I needed. . .I still know!!

The Decision
Beginning of September (or around there) I decided that the only way I am going to do this is if I set myself some goals and join some type of web site, or something that helps me track things. During fit club, we had to "report" if we lost or gained (never any actual weight numbers, just losses or gains and how much) and we were doing the competitions. . .so I was also tracking my exercise and trying really hard. I realized after fit club ended that I was not "responsible" to report anything anymore. . .and therefore, I became a slacker. . .AGAIN.

And NOW. . ."here I am" lol
Which brings us to NOW! I am researching the best weight loss tracking sites and have started walking again. I have strict eating habits (which have also kind of fell to the wayside in August - but lucky for me, I haven't gained any weight back, yet) and I have started to follow them again. No more candy bar every once in a while, which becomes every two days, which becomes every other day, which eventually becomes every day. . .I WILL NOT GO BACK UP!!! my weight can only go down!! I have the healthy thing down. . .I know what is good and what is bad. . .I know I need to exercise to lose, I know this. . .so why am I not doing it??? Why did I think the whole entire month of August was a "vacation" from a healthy lifestyle?? What the hell is wrong with me. . .I was soooooo discouraged when we got back at the end of July and I had gained back 3 pounds. . .that should have been my "shell shock" but it wasn't. Do you know what was. . .my friend passing away. The last post said about how I realized a lot of things, and it did. . .it helped me realize again that I NEED to stay healthy, not only for me, but for my kids as well. I need to be healthy to stay alive and be able to run with them, or ride bike with them. . .or chase after grandchildren (okay a little too soon for that, but you get my drift LOL)

The GOAL
I am back at it again. . .with a goal of 50 pounds (I will weigh 20 pounds less than when I lost the original 40) by this time next year. It IS possible. I can do it. I know I can. I walked once during lunch last week, and then did a nightly walk (not enuff) which was a start. Today, I had a wonderful walk at lunch and can't wait to do it again because it is the perfect temperature and so beautiful outside (leaves are starting to change ALREADY!!) funny, when I started fit club, everything was blooming. . .which was also very beautiful. So not only do I walk, I am taking in the beauty of nature everyday, and thanking God for every breath! :)

I will find a website to join before the end of the month (see, this counts as saying it out loud, and if I say it out loud to at least one other person, it is like engraved in stone and I will stick to it LOL) and I am going to continue on with my healthy lifestyle changes. I will keep u posted on which website I choose and how it works out. . .worse comes to worse, if I don't like the site, I will switch. . .there are plenty of them to try and who knows, I might even make a new fat friend! LMAO!! j/k!!!

Point of all this. . .I know what I need to do, but I constantly fall back into bad habits. I am writing this to say, I am DONE with that!! I am sticking to it. . and I WILL reach my goal. Good luck to me. :) A new healthy me. . .on my way to 29 again!! hehehe