So sad. . .

I just found out that a friend of mine has passed away. :*(
We weren't "close" friends anymore - we were more like acquaintance friends, but nonetheless. . .it is still so sad.

She was only a few years older than me, and I don't even think she was 40 yet. Her son just started HS with my son yesterday, and he is also on the football team with my son. Her daughters just lost their father within the past 2 years or so, and the oldest daughter just had a baby about a year ago (her first grandchild). The weirder, even sadder thing is, she died of the same thing that her daughters' dad died from; at this point nothing is confirmed, but they are making it sound like heart failure. Her son has a different dad (still living). . .but at 14 years old, to lose your mother, just seems unimaginable to me. I don't even want to think about what it would be like for my son without me. . .he would feel so lost, lonely, and sad.

This friend was the first person who asked me to hang out after I moved back to Millersburg. . .to move in with my Dad. It was the summer before HS started for me, and I had no friends and no one to hang out with. One day, my brother finally talked me into going to hang out in town with him and his friends to try to get me to meet some new people. . .and that is the day I met her. We hit it off that night and went out drinking and partying (yes, I was a bad girl. . .with her help LOL) When our ride dropped our drunk asses off that night, she said "okay, c ya next weekend!" :) I was so happy to have a friend! So through all the partying and hanging out, we became close. We hung out almost every day for a while (like a year or two), and I can't tell you how many times I crashed on her couch, or in her bed. . .especially the time I got thrown in the mud pit and was caked with mud from head to foot. . .I passed out in her bed and she wasn't even a little mad . . . actually, we woke up the next morning and laughed about it. This was normal. All her drunk friends crashed at her house, and if her parents minded, they didn't let on to any of us. Her dad just recently passed away within the past year or so from cancer. She called my dad "dad" and I called her mom "mom" - we were two peas in a pod.

One night, we almost died together. . .lucky for me, I only heard the stories. Apparently I was so trashed, that I blacked out and didn't remember the night, but the next morning is when they told me that we had been in a car accident. My friend was driving, too drunk to drive, for sure. apparently she fell asleep while driving and ran the car head on into the side of a brick building. No one was hurt - and some of us wouldn't have known if we were. I found out the next day & the car was totaled. . .and aside from the fact that the most important thing to us is that we didn't have a ride, we were ALL very lucky to be alive. We probably should have died together that night, but for some reason, our guardian angels were looking out for us. We chalked it up to a rough night. .. and decided we needed to be more careful, but were we? I doubt it. We were young and unstoppable. . .loving the party life.
Hahaha, I just remembered that she was the first one to ever let me drive. She wanted to eat, and we were on back roads. . .I tried to tell her that I never drove before, but she made me do it. No license, no experience, just the trust of a good friend. Lucky for us, we managed to live through that too.

Over the years, we grew apart. . .different parties, different friends, rumors, alcohol fights, guy fights, etc. But as we got older, all "teen" things were forgotten and our kids became important in our paths crossing over and over. . .they were in boy scouts together, classes/class trips, baseball, and now most recently HS football freshman year. We still would say hi, talk at games, and catch up on life in conversation when we saw each other. No hard feelings, I mean after all we were stupid kids, just looking for the next party. Last year, at one of the last games of the season, she brought her grand baby and was proudly showing the baby off. I told her she was getting old!

Right now, I feel horribly Sad. Sad for her kids (I heard her son was with her when her organs failed - in those last moments) Sad for her mother, her family, and her life. Of all the times we could have (and maybe should have) gotten in trouble, or worse, died. . .we never did. It seems so unfair and wrong that she died of heart failure?? I am remembering us, the way we used to be. . .and the good times - even though it was a long time ago, I remember some stuff like it was yesterday.
I am not sorry that we weren't close friends anymore. . .people grow apart, stuff happens. We had some good times in our day and remained friends through it all, not BEST friends, but just friends. We were always so worried that our kids were going to be badasses like we were, and we both had BOYS which we knew was gonna be worse. (it isn't, they don't even come close to being as bad as we were!) We would joke that if our kids did what we did, we were gonna be in some SERIOUS trouble!
As I sit here and think about her, I miss her already. I am confused about how the whole thing happened, and also realizing AGAIN, that life is so short and we have to live each day as if it were our last. People say that all the time, but you don't really think about it or even practice it until something like this happens. :( It is sad that everyone takes things and people for granted.

The last time I saw her, we waved at each other and moved on. . .we weren't sitting together at that meeting. Had I known that was the last time I was going to ever see her or speak to her, I would have made it a point to say something to her. . .but we never know. Anything I would have said would not have been enough.
But now that she is gone, I feel I need to say something. . .anything that lets her know that I appreciate her being the first person to hang out with me and give me a chance (even if our "partying" intentions were all wrong) to be her friend - no questions asked. I appreciate the fact that we forgave and forgot our teenage years - the bad stuff - as we were adults and were still civil to each other and could move on from all that stupid stuff. I am thankful for all the life lessons that I learned because of her, and/or hanging out with her. She taught me a lot about trusting people; whether it was putting trust in the right people, or not trusting the wrong ones.

Now that she is gone, I pray for her, her family, and most of all, her children and her mother. . .and ask that she be my guardian angel (along with those that saved us that one dreadful night) and continue to protect me as I finish my path through this life on earth.

RIP Nikki. . .you will never be forgotten.