Well, it kind of stinks that I left the "So Sad" post at the top of my page for so long. . .but then again, maybe not! I have been really busy since that post, not to mention it is a big reminder to me. A reminder to not take life for granted EVER. . .a reminder to ALWAYS let ur loved ones know how we feel about them . . .and a reminder to NEVER part from your immediate family in a bad mood or after saying something negative BECAUSE we never know if it will be the last time we see them, hug them, or even be able to tell them again that we are sorry and love them.
So these past few weeks have not only been crazy busy, but also an "enlightenment" for me. Yes, I realize that it shouldn't take someone dying for me to come to all these conclusions, and I did know this stuff before. . .I guess I never really practiced it, or realized how important these lessons are. I guess when someone dies, you just learn it all over again. . .and this time, I am not going to forget. I am going to try really hard to keep remembering, and always practice good behaviorial patterns to show how much I love and care about my family. . .this way, if it is my last day here on this earth, they all know how I truly felt and have something good to remember about me. . .not that mom was freaking out right before she died or screaming how horrible her life was. . .not that I do this often, but I have been kind of stuck in a rut lately, and have lost some of my positive thinking and happy happy joy joy attitude. . .that I use to have every day no matter what. That is all changing. . .I am freaking digging out of the rut and movin on to greener pastures (as they say, LOL).
The funeral. . .
The letter that my friend's son wrote (that was read out loud by the preacher at the funeral) for his mom after she died, grabbed a hold of my heart and never let go. . .I was okay during the entire funeral, until this particular letter was read. . .that is when I lost it. The letter started out by saying he didn't know where to begin because of her being taken so suddenly. . .then went on to say that he was sorry for doing the things that she didn't approve of and maybe not treating her as good as she should have. :( He went on to say that he was going to try to keep his grades up and be a good, decent kid, like she would have wanted. . .then went on to say how much he was going to love her and miss her. :*( After hearing all that, I couldn't stop the tears.
----This may be a good thing. For some reason, I haven't really been able to cry at the last few funerals I have been to. (I don't know why, and I am not some big, mean, uncaring person. . .I guess I just try to be strong for others??) It is really wierd because I didn't even cry at my grandmothers funeral (almost a year now) when she died. We weren't that close, but you would think I would have cried because my mom was crying or something. . .nope-nothing. The sadness was there, just not enough to bring on the tears. ----
Well, the tears were flowing at this funeral. . .probably because I keep selfishly thinking about my own life and my son. . .since they are the same age. . .and where he would be if I wasn't here. :( I am not dwelling on it. . .it just crosses my mind and has put a few things into perspective for me.
Next thing you know, another mutual friend of ours went up to speak. . .she did really well, but almost lost it while reading her letter. THEN, her eldest daughter got up to try to read her letter. . .started out by saying "bear with me" and tried to start reading it, and just lost it and said she couldn't do it and sat down. The preacher started to read this heartwrenching letter for her, and she couldn't make out some of the writing, so Bridgett corrected her, and then got up to help her read it afterall. I had so many tears flowing (and no tissues - what was I thinking? oh yeah that's right, I didn't need tissues cuz I don't cry at funerals!) it was unreal. Unreal. The whole situation is unreal. :(
Anyways. . .with the loss of an old friend came a brighter outlook on life for me. I am fortunate to have what I do with my family, friends, and an abundance of love. A great job, great health, and a great husband and kids. Can't ask for much more than that. . .even though we do and will. I have decided that I need to always, ALWAYS remember how grateful I am, and Always be sure to thank God every single day I breathe and stay alive and well with my family -- good times and bad!! :)
3 years ago
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